Your Three-Year-Old: Friend or Enemy

Alternatively helpful and useless, Your Three-Year-Old: Friend or Enemy, comforted me even while it made me scratch my head in bewilderment.

The first chapter, “Characteristics of the Age,” contained the best information. In it, the authors explained about the stages of equilibrium and disequilibrium that a child goes through. I found this comforting, as my 3 ½ - year -old is definitely in a stage of disequilibrium. “Your child is not your enemy. It is not you against him” (12), the authors, in emphasizing italics, remind their readers. So the next time your child throws cereal all over your freshly vacuumed floor, and then steps in it to grind it a little further into the carpet (and your soul), repeat this to yourself: “you are not my enemy.” It might help.

There were several things that were downright unhelpful or just so common sense you cringe to think that some parents are actually asking such questions (no, mom, your child is not a “mental crackup” because she wants to use her left hand for things). The chapter on the three-year-old birthday party didn’t seem to offer much. Let me tell you, there’s only one schedule for a child’s birthday party: chaos, pure uninhibited sugar high chaos from start to finish.

Their advice for hard to handle children often consisted of getting a babysitter or sending your child to day care so you don’t have to deal with them. “Day care when necessary can reduce the time you will need to spend together” (12). True, but not very helpful for the modern stay-at-home mom on a budget. If that doesn’t work for you, there’s always the other type of babysitter: “the television can be your friend. Wisely used, it can keep a child happy, well behaved and out of difficulty for long periods” (30). Here’s your golden ticket to guilt-free screen time for your children!

The letters from disgruntled parents at the end and the authors masterful, yet slightly insulting, advice was a real goldmine. One mother gave her child a toy clown and then let him watch a violent show on TV with clowns in it. Much to her surprise, he suddenly became afraid of his clown. She asked if maybe she should “burn the clown before his eyes” or whether they should take the toy clown on vacation or leave it behind. The authors opened up their response with the understatement of the year, “You seem to have made several mistakes.”

Find the book here: Amazon